Fear, What Fears?

What am I afraid of? What about lizards and snakes?! What about sharks at the beach and bears in the woods? Or spiders (or even just the sensation of spiders) beneath your shirt? (After mowing the lawn, such things are more than feasible!) Or ice down your back. Such fun. Should one remove the shirt or not?! I have always thought that some men are afraid of homosexuals and that’s why Texas boys beat the shit out of otherwise unoffending queers! Some men (maybe the same ones?) are afraid of their mamas! Houses that creak at night when no else but you is home! Fear of heights gets a lot of us. Other drivers. The road itself! FDR said all we had to fear was Fear Itself—that doesn't entirely make sense, but it worked okay for him in wartime. Now, Claustrophobia is big, I know that—but I never thought I had it until I’d been in a utility tunnel (underground) at work for more than an hour, and it was LONG ENOUGH! I had to get the hell out of there, using one of the emergency manhole exits and crawling like a tobacco-breathing monkey up and over the various pipes (hot, cold, and electrical)! Whatever you’ve got, fear is neither functional nor fun—I think it’d be better to be stupid, naive, and bold—except then the bears would get you! Fear of the number 13!