Thursday, November 08, 2007

Doppler Neck-toid!!!

I spoke too soon when I mentioned "the next procedure some mad scientist wants to perform". At any rate, it took no time before just that occurred. What I thought would be some fairly uneventful chat (since that's all I've been having lately, sonsabitches), but this medical practitioner thought it'd be a great idea to have me take a carotid Doppler test! What am I, a weather system now? Apparently, Doppler in this sense is a synonym for ultrasound. Oh. Sounds like nuthin'. Except when they start finding blood clots and clumps of cholesterol and half-digested carrots and thin-shaved ham sludge showing up in there. Then they'll have some other torture machine to attach me to. I just know it. Probably something worse than the slow speed on one of those cowboy-bar bull rides. It won't kill me, maybe--but something will, and knowing too much makes me feel like it's hurrying along. I'll be paying for this procedure in increments for four months. Whoopee, we're all gonna die!

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Abandon hope, all ye who enter here! (At least put on your socks and pants.)