Got Dem Storm Door Blues Again!

Jesus, I hate home maintenance! It’s not as if I take on major projects. I’ve got hell again with my storm door. I made a long loud whining story out of it in emails to my friends when I was installing it a year or more back now, long before I began to blog. Oh, boy, I get to bitch about storm doors all over again.

Now that wonderful New door won’t close far enough to it to latch most of the time. I fiddled with the screw on the door closer rod that controls how fast the door closes and, as I expected, it made little difference—not to the job of latching—not unless I let it slam like a bastard. I figure maybe the doorsill’s swollen, just as the wooden door at this location was some weeks back, and the soft narrow plastic at the bottom of the storm door is making too much contact. The wooden sill is, I guess, slowing the door too much before it can latch.

Unhappily, the door sill is Way Down There and my knees and knee caps can’t take the punishment long enough to get enough work done with the planer and sandpaper. I’m down and up again within just a few minutes, my knees and knee caps hurting so much that I’m afraid if I don’t get up right then, I never will. I’m no expert with the planer—this is in fact my second task learning how to use it as I use it. It took me 3 tries to get as far as I did, and I expect it’d take 2 or 3 more to make a sufficient difference. But I’m afraid to get back down on my knees any time soon. I can picture myself unable to rise and then just rolling over on my side and panting and hoping that the neighbors aren’t nosy and laying there for half a day until I can rest enough to try again, either to get up and slink away or else to plane a little more and go through this goddamn hell again. Just at this moment, I don’t expect to hit another lick unless someone threatens to kill me!

The last time I crawled back up off the concrete it seemed as if the door closed a little better, but that still isn’t good enough to call it fixed. If it latches only sometimes, that’s not a storm door to brag about. Maybe I should’ve just said Fuck It and waited for the weather to change. Let’s see, wouldn’t things tend to dry up and swell less when winter gets here? If that’s not true, just nod at me as if it is. Lie like a dog if you have to, I need some encouragement.

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post script: The door now sometimes closes enough that it can latch itself. Until it gets worse, I’m declaring that it's an improvement, a repair! Sufficient Unto The Day Is The Evil Thereof! I’m through with it!

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