Don't Go In The Water

I'm twitchy about going in the water. I'm sorry, but it's true. As an adult, I always have been, though I did used to go swimming in ponds, creeks, and oceans until my early twenties. I can swim, though I'm not great at it. (Well, I guess I still can!) I haven't been in the water whatsoever since the movie Jaws came out in 1975. That seemed like a pretty good excuse to me to make my abhorrence of water a formality and I've stuck to it. Well, there are fresh-water sharks as well as the salt-water kind! I saw it on TV.

I Hate The Water

I was never comfortable in the water, anyway. As much as I don't care for making special trips to be in the water, I dislike even more the aftermath of standing around dripping. Even after I bathe, I'm never comfortable again until I get dry. I love a shower, but I hate it that drying off is such a lengthy process. I have to be careful not to burn my head off with the hair blower, trying to get my hair dry. I am moderately interested in my hair looking presentable, but mainly I just want it to Get Dry, dammit!

The same is true after I've been working too hard—meaning any work, of course. Sweating is a little annoying while I'm still working, but seems to get worse when I stop. In summer, I generally try to stop and take a break by the time beads of sweat drip down my nose, off my fingertips, or into my eyes. But as soon as I do stop, it's just a total misery. I'm wet, I'm overheated, and it's disgusting. If I am rained on and then find myself standing under some shelter, dripping wet—yeah, you got it, uncomfortable again. Things work out best if I have a complete change of clothes. Otherwise it seems as if my body temperature will never adjust. I know other people who are like this, though I don't know that they moan about it like I do.

Never Mind Being Reborn

Some have accused me of not having enjoyed the birth experience. All that wetness. My first response to that is usually to think, "As if I could remember that!"

But I guess it could be. Maybe I didn't enjoy leaving my comfort zone—yeah, that could be it! A pathological response! And I don't want to stand around feeling wet and being reminded of it all. That could be. I have no very deep view of it. If you do, have at it—philosophize to your heart's content.

Meanwhile, I prefer being clean, dry, and comfy. The only wet slipperiness I ever like is sex. I won't go into detail about that—I figure you either do or you don't already know enough about that. I wouldn't want to shock you or make you sick. Some people can't handle the truth. Who said that? Jack Nicholson said it, of course, although for once he wasn't even talking about sex. I'd go get a better quote to support my theory, but I'm too lazy, and besides, your attention is already wavering. I can tell. I have x-ray vision; I know when I've bored someone to tears.

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Whether you like it or not, here is a family of swans, who love the water, brought to you by Surprise Nature Photo.

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