Why Start Now?

Okay, this one's not great at all; it's just long. So it's actually easy to read. You can read it with the TV on.

Ape At Large

I'm so spastic, I'm so loud, I'm at ground zero in every crowd! I'm an Apostolic Party Equivalent kind of guy Even when I'm by myself or on TV! Hey, no one here's a hairy hand puppet-- I have it printed on my palm! Okay, I'm at no loss now, lady, There's babes around here who like us old guys, So, don't despair about my thinning hair Or stay up late trying to figure out why I always wear a hat! Are you really going to let me do it, Can you stand quite still and let me do it, Is there nothing you or I can say or lust for To make us stand or sit upright just a little? Oh my, I'm at no loss, I claim, Or any kind of wretched wrinkle in the hand puppet— Just bring on the babes And the hairy beach clams From wherever they come And we'll stay up all night getting off With the TV on and the sound turned off, Whether we are standing up to all of this or not! Whether we are standing on your stomach or your stopwatch! In time you might feel repulsed Or misused, if not amused... What can I do? I judge your fractious nature As something akin to mine— Fettered, frustrated, and striking out, The both of us still straining toward something That the world and all my nurses don't regard. So what's this wordless state of bold disunion! I begged you, please, at that last reunion To lift your skirt a little, What would it've hurt? Now don't despair, delay, or decay about me; Don't rewrite my poetry on a whim Or in all seriousness, either, And don't stay up late Showing off what's in your bodice, It's not your fate to see why my skull is long and round, Or why my pottery comes out all wrong— Stop trying to straighten things out While I'm still alive— It'll just make things take twice as long And then we'll die, anyway, So where's that at?