Saturday, December 22, 2007

Plus What's This Thirteen Jazz?

Note: Those of you who have slummed in my help blog, "Most Frequent Blogger Questions, but not recently, ought to pay it a visit and see the decorations. No, not Christmas spangles, just a touch of table color!

Meanwhile, there's this 13 perverted Xmas thoughts:

1. start with people who don't fully spell out Christmas. Kick 'em. Kick 'em till they squeak!
2. grab those people who act like elves--stamp 'em out!
3. anyone singing seasonal songs has got to go. Out the car window at 30 mph.
4. anyone playing seasonal songs on the radio should forfeit their right to breathe until next Xmas.
5. if your nose is turning red, stop drinking. That's all, just stop it!
6. if you're asked to impersonate a reindeer, hit the requester with an ashtray.
7. if I run over Santa and his sled by accident, I plan to stop and back up to see who it was!
8. all elves who can run fast enough will be allowed to live.
9. if anyone asks you to help decorate a Christmas tree, you don't have to pee on it. Just smear butter on it.
10. you should attempt to have carnal knowledge of all "angels" who are ascertained to be 18 or over.
11. Meanwhile, try not to bugger any cute little elf boys!
12. Gee, for that matter, don't bugger any of the reindeer!
13. In fact, don't bugger anybody who's holding fragile Christmas decorations or moving around--you might miss and make a mess!


  1. Happy Christmas, Ron ! :-)

    You didn't write that 13 thing did you?
    If you did it's a sad waste of your undoubted talent. ;-(

  2. Everything here is a waste of my talent, but I am accustomed to it. Thanks for mentioning it, though.


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