Thursday, March 31, 2005

Grab That Middle-Aged Sweater Girl!

This one's for Larry, who goes crazy for some appliances and some women.

Oreck Air Purifiers and Vacuum Cleaners

The busty middle-aged Oreck Lady on the TV commercials grins her butt off and shills very nicely for the Oreck Man and his phenomenal line of efficient modern devices. Her chest is always so gorgeously framed by her sweaters that at a glance you'd think they were selling sweaters or systems for cleaning and grooming them. But, no, they're selling appliances, as sweater girls often have. Sex and appliances, sex and automobiles—the connection couldn't possibly make more sense, could it!

Look at her—she's respectable, but she's Hot. She's a handsome lady, no doubt about it, but (other than Vanna White) most "display" ladies and "hold-it-up-just-so" models and "point-to-it" eye-candy on TV are a good bit younger. It's good to see another exception—someone in the modern milieu that I can lust after without violating any civic, moral, or artistic standards. Sometimes while the long ads are on the cable channels in the wee hours I find myself wondering what her face looks like—until I remember it's right there in plain sight!

Oh, Venus de Milo, give me enough time and I'll worship your every feature, one by one, even those missing arms!

Oh, no, that's right, I'm dreaming! Ms. Oreck still has her arms, and everything else! Not to mention that ineffably respectable posterior. Those appliance ads don't spend the big bucks on production values, but they have my attention with their over-30 sweater girl! They may be cleaning the carpet dust and the room pollutants and most of the ions in the known universe, but they've missed my dirty mind! Oh, Ms. Oreck, come and get me! Sniff sniff! Bow wow! Wow!

What's an OMP blacklist and why would somebody be denying me access to Haloscan in my own blog as if I was an invader? My first thought is that it's some kind of scam and if so it may be at your door soon. It sounds phony as hell, with some snide remark about how it wouldn't be necessary "if people didn't insist on being stupid", something like that. It claims to be about denying access to some kind of auto-program that tries to leave messages on your comment and it additionally asks you to type in the four letters that can barely be seen in an overlay of lines. If it’s real, it will prove that I’m not a machine, I guess. If it’s phony, it will give them access to my testicles and my bank number. I don't know many Haloscan users any more to test on, though one I found is working properly, so that's all I know.

Later: Comments are working for me again now, so I wonder who or what is joking with me? Will it come back again? I could eat a steel hatchet! I'd rather bury it in somebody's head!

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Abandon hope, all ye who enter here! (At least put on your socks and pants.)