A Vengeful Man
One day Carl got mad and took it into his head that everyone in his family despised him and that he’d get even with them all eventually. One night in a dark and bitter mood, he scooped up a small bit of his own feces out of the toilet, broke it up and shaped it, then let it dry between 2 pieces of paper until they resembled the consistency and mashed-down shape of the chips in chocolate chip cookies. Then he had a giggling fit as he dropped them into the bottom of the cookie jar at his grandmother’s house. Somebody greedy would come along when the jar was nearly empty, pour the crumbs into his hand, and gulp them all down—including these non-chocolate chips.
The problem with his theory was that Carl was the only one in his near or extended family who had that habit of cleaning out the crumbs from the cookie jar. His grandmother, who no longer cleaned out the bottom of the cookie jar as often or as thoroughly as she used to, just kept putting more chocolate-chip cookies into the jar. Time passed, and he forgot all about his clever revenge. Six months later, it happened. He arrived at her house a little drunk one day when she wasn't home and let himself in. The cookie jar was empty except for the leavings. He turned the jar over with his right hand, dumped the crumbs into his left hand, and flung it all down his throat. He never even knew that he’d eaten his fecal booby trap. He’d forgotten all about it. I know you’re thinking that Carl must not have been very smart, but I never told you he was smart. He was just vengeful. When he could concentrate enough to remember, that is. What part of his brain the alcohol hadn’t devoured, bad cess and those turd cookies had.
One of my emailers now says he's swearing off of chocolate chip cookies except when he himself opens the package or sees them come out of the oven and get delivered straight into his possession!
Some people are so suggestible. I think maybe he's one of those people who go to see a hypnotist at a nightclub and end up squawking like a chicken.
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Abandon hope, all ye who enter here! (At least put on your socks and pants.)