Sunday, October 03, 2004

Stuffy Party

"What is a tampon, anyway," she said, waving a new one around in front of her new friends. "Just a stick of cloth with a red stain when it's fresh and a brown stain when it's not?"

"Don't be disgusting," they told her. "You've drunk too much already!"

"You've got some pretty funny definitions of what's disgusting," she told them. "They sell this stuff on television in front of children and hemorrhoid ointment while you're eating your supper, but you don't want to hear about it while you're drinking? Don't wanna hear 'bout children starving or the permanent poor in the land of plenty or anything like that, either!"

"All we said was we didn't want to talk about bloody tampons."

"That's what you think you're saying," she muttered.

The whiskey was making her drunk, no doubt about it, though she thought she hadn't even had that much yet. She decided that she ought to drink a whole lot more and just not worry about it. If she could get drunk enough, maybe she'd just go get that kitty litter box in the bathroom and come back and throw feces at all these stupid self-satisfied people that she barely knew.

"God, I'm skooshed!" she sighed and then looked very confused. "Scrooshed? Swooshed? Shit, there's a word, but I can't think of it!"

"Hey, Goddammit, I thought there was a Cat Stevens CD over here somewhere!" some guy in a business suit was yelling to nobody in particular. Nobody answered him.

"I need some kind of real good reason if I'm going to stay at this stupid party any longer," she muttered to herself. She stumbled slightly as she went out the kitchen door into the back yard, sat down heavily on the patio lounger, and closed her eyes.

"This one would do."

The next time anyone looked at her, she was sprawled out asleep, one shoe clutched in both hands and pressed against her belly. They'd been hoping that she'd already gone home.

"Hell, I can't even see up her skirt!" the guy in the business suit sulked.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there." — Lewis Carroll, "Alice in Wonderland"

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Abandon hope, all ye who enter here! (At least put on your socks and pants.)