Thursday, October 21, 2004

I Love Little Debbie

Jesus, How Many Are There, Though?

I'm not exactly sure how long they've been making Little Debbie snacks. I'm pretty sure I can recall discovering them around 20 to 25 years ago, but not earlier than that. There were none, for instance, when I was a 10 to 12 year old snack junkie. I remember the first few times I spotted them as an adult and thought, "These things can't be any good, they're too cheap!" I was wrong about that, of course and as necessity drove me to them at the convenience stores, I found out they were pretty tasty. They were so cheap, though, that my joke with myself became that they were so cheap, somebody must have figured out how to make crappy ingredients taste great! Like turning straw into gold! Or King Midas. Or the splendid goose that shat the golden egg.

I don't recall there being much variety in the beginning, but maybe that's because I was always seeing them at convenience stores and no one store ever carried the whole list. I suspect that there used to be fewer than there are now. I've never really tried to guess at the current number of snacks available, but one could never really know. Even today, I can't locate even half of them at one time, not even at a roomy modern grocery store.

"Half of what?!" you demand to know.

I forgot to mention I looked it up on the Internet and counted them. There's 94! NINETY-FOUR! I believe that if I ever saw 94 Little Debbie snack choices in one place, I'd be like the Russian character played by Robin Williams in "Moscow On The Hudson". Newly arrived in America, the first time he sees the vast choice of coffee brands on the supermarket shelves, he had a panic attack and passed out! It was too much for his proletarian brain! Mine, too.

Oh, Debbie, I Just Want To Lick Your Creme-filled Everything!

I've never tried all the ones listed below, for I've never even seen some of them! Some of the ones I've enjoyed recently include:

Marshmallow Pies (Banana)
Jelly Creme Pies
Nutty Bars® Wafer Bars
Zebra Cakes
Devil Cremes® Cakes
Honey Buns
Banana Twins® Cakes
Oatmeal Creme Pies

I haven't taken a very big bite out of the list, have I? I know I've had and enjoyed others, I just can't remember the names. If you're not afraid of passing out, take a look at the long list for yourself.


Breakfast Pastries

1. Banana Nut Loaves
2. Blueberry Loaves
3. Coffee Cakes (Apple Streusel)
4. Donut Sticks
5. Honey Buns
6. Iced Cake Donut
7. Iced Honey Buns
8. Mini Donuts
9. Pecan Spinwheels® Sweet Rolls

Cakes and Brownies

10. Angel Food Cakes (Raspberry)
11. Banana Twins® Cakes
12. Boston Creme Rolls
13. Chocolate Cakes
14. Chocolate Chip Snack Cakes
15. Cosmic Brownies
16. Creme-Filled Chocolate Cupcakes
17. Creme-Filled Lemon Cupcakes
18. Creme-Filled Orange Cupcakes
19. Creme-Filled Strawberry Cupcakes
20. Devil Cremes® Cakes
21. Devil Squares® Cakes
22. Double Chocolate Swiss Cake Rolls
23. Fancy Cakes®
24. Frosted Fudge Cakes
25. Fudge Brownies
26. Golden Cremes
27. Pound Cakes
28. Reduced Fat Fudge Brownies
29. Snack Cakes (Chocolate)
30. Strawberry Shortcake Rolls
31. Swiss Cake Rolls
32. Zebra Cakes


33. Apple Flips™ Cookies
34. Coco PiƱa
35. Chocolate Chip Cookies
36. Chocolate Chip Creme Pies
37. Fudge Rounds
38. German Chocolate Cookie Rings
39. Ginger Cookies
40. Maple Creme Pies
41. Marshmallow Supremes
42. Oatmeal Creme Pies
43. Oatmeal Raisin Cookies
44. P.B. & J. Oatmeal Pies
45. Peanut Clusters
46. Raisin Creme Pies
47. Reduced Fat Oatmeal Creme Pies
48. Star Crunch® Cosmic Snacks


49. Cheese on Cheese
50. Cheese on Wheat
51. Peanut Butter Cheese
52. Peanut Butter Toasty


53. Be My Valentine Cakes (Chocolate)
54. Be My Valentine Cakes (Vanilla)
55. Be My Valentine Crispy Bars
56. Be My Valentine Iced Brownies
57. Cherry Cordials (Christmas)
58. Cherry Cordials (Valentine)
59. Christmas Ginger Cookies
60. Christmas Tree Brownies
61. Christmas Tree Cakes® Snack Cakes (Chocolate)
62. Christmas Tree Cakes® Snack Cakes (Vanilla)
63. Cookie Wreaths® Cookies
64. Easter Basket Cakes® (Chocolate)
65. Easter Basket Cakes® (Vanilla)
66. Easter Brownies
67. Easter Crispy Bars
68. Easter Puffs® Cookies
69. Fall Brownies
70. Fall Crispy Bars NEW!
71. Fall Party Cakes (Chocolate)
72. Fall Party Cakes (Vanilla)
73. Holiday Cake Rolls (Cherry Creme)
74. Holiday Crispy Bars
75. Holiday Snack Cakes (Chocolate)
76. Holiday Snack Cakes (Vanilla)
77. Pumpkin Delights® Filled Cookies
78. Spirit of America Crispy Bars
79. Stars & Stripes Frosted Brownies
80. Stars & Stripes Marshmallow Puffs
81. Stars & Stripes Snack Cakes


82. Caramel Cookie Bars
83. Cosmic Crispy Bars
84. Fig Bars
85. Marshmallow Crispy Bars
86. Nutty Bars® Wafer Bars
87. Peanut Butter Crunch Bars
88. Peanut Butter Wafers


89. Fruit Pie - Apple
90. Fruit Pie - Cherry
91. Jelly Creme Pies
92. Marshmallow Pies (Banana)
93. Marshmallow Pies (Chocolate)
94. Pecan Pie

I incidentally learned that there have been some Little Debbie models of the Barbie Doll, but they didn't look much like Debbie to me. In fact the Debbie-Barbie has those regulation big--! Well, you know. I'm not going to think about it much, though; that way, perversion lies!

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