Moen's Silent Screw

Listening To Somebody Else's Sex Again

My roommate Jim Moen's girlfriend (later his wife) used to get in the sack with him pretty often under strange circumstances when she stayed the night with him. A third roommate George, Jim, and I all lived in different corners of the cheap one-room apartment we shared back in the seventies, each on a mattress on the floor. It was weird how George and I could hardly ever detect them having sex. All that silent fucking! Jesus, I never heard a thing, and couldn't imagine how they did it. Not a sound—they could have been corpses—and yet clearly they were fornicating their brains out. I even asked Jim once, just to make sure!

"You are fucking over there at night, aren't you? "

"Sure," he grinned.

I nodded and looked amazed. It gave me an answer, but it didn't explain anything about how they managed not to make any noise! How could they be so utterly quiet! I know I should have, but I asked for no further details. I was too astonished.

Even Hippies Had Inhibitions

I never really thought that Jim would yell, "Oh, baby, give it to me, give it to me, you're such a sweet hot slippery #$*@!"

Ugh! I knew he was too inhibited for that. So was I, for that matter. And his tall slinky girlfriend Patricia with her indeterminate facial features and her slim model's figure, definitely was inhibited. If she'd thought he was discussing her habits in bed, she'd have had a hissy fit and cut him off. I didn't want to ruin his sex life for him, so I let it be.

I'd Still Like To Know That Trick

Still I insist it would have made a lot more sense, would have seemed a little more normal, if we'd just heard a few grunts, wheezes, or squeaks out of those two from time to time, some carnal groans or sloshy thrusts or throaty moans or squishy-fleshed squeezes—hell, it wouldn't have mattered what, just anything! Just a few little animal sounds, wet or dry, would have made everything far more explicable! It's not as if we were in prison or fucking with our parents in the room next door! We were all friends!

I could have slept better if I'd known. I could certainly have slept sooner than when I lay awake trying to detect their slightest sounds. Hell, I'd still like to know that trick! Was he so—? Or was she so—? Ah, I guess I shouldn't be such a busybody.

---