Jason The Roach

Took off my shoes the other night and when I drew the last foot out, a roach followed right behind! It was a large American cockroach, not one of your scruffy foreign ones, so I concluded it was not an official Terrorist, though it seemed pretty terroristic that one had moved into my shoes with me still in them! I wonder how long he was in there? Ten minutes? All day? In any case, he made me mad! Although I'm not very fast or agile these days, I followed him around the room and into the closet where the dumb fuck ran up inside a pair of heavy work shoes I haven't worn in years. I had to bat at him about a hundred times with the tip of my cane before he came out of there. Again, he was stupid and came out into the open where I poetically dispatched him with a slap of that same shoe that he'd crawled out of! But I sure was exhausted! I picked him up with a paper towel and mercilessly squashed and scrunched him flat with my fingers. I don't trust roaches much, too many of them have acted like the movie maniac Jason and keep coming back long after I think they're dead! It's not good for me to chase roaches—most of the time, they're not as easy to catch as this dumb bastard. A roach of average intelligence would have given me a heart attack or another stroke before I caught him! Sometimes we're just lucky. But I wasn't going to take any of that "Jason" crap!

I have not written a post that could be characterized as a "pest control vignette" since 2007 and before that there was one in 2005, hardly ever more than one or two a year going back a few more years. I guess it didn't take long to tell all my juicy, disgusting roach and rat stories. This one is sort of marginal, but it still qualifies in my mind! We must never cease our vigilance in the battle against pests, no matter how feeble we get!