Saturday, March 28, 2009

Everybody Had A Good Time

Everybody But The Genie

"How many virgins do you require?" the jaded Genie asked.
"Three," I replied.
"What?! What for?"
"Me and one of them could take a long nap while the other two babes worked."
"Oh, that's not such a bad idea!" the Genie smiled.
"And then we'd all have sex together--all except you!" I smirked.
"Shithead's just like all the others!" the Genie grumbled to himself.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Infernal Furnace

My internal furnace doesn't burn very bright or hot—
It never did, except on my way to Hell,
And, even if I looked good briefly, it didn't matter,
And I got old and disabled for the long haul
And can't afford anything any more,
And everything is appreciably worse.

Monday, March 23, 2009

The Rat Quits

Well, probably not! The Rat does other things, too, but even though I revel in bad language, I do not plan to spend much time here today howling at the moon or talking about gross bodily functions, goddammit!!! 'Snot gonna happen, see?! Some of you couldn't stand it any better than I can...

Some day we'll blow up all these snivelling little blogs--no matter how big they've gotten! Meanwhile, the trudge and shuffle of vowel movement is still forward marching!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Now or Then or Never!

Those of you who never do should glance at the sidebar now and then--now is one of those times! Look for purple...

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Leaning To The Left In The Lurch

Energizer Bunny Slippers

I wonder how we ever get the notion that anyone is reading all this tripe? I know in the beginning it's usually not true, but we persevere or malinger or somehow hang on. For a while, whether we're admired and befriended by strangers or not, we come to believe that some one is there--they agree and disagree, they reflect us, they pollute, they may seem no worse than us most times, but that's a left-handed compliment... I'm left-handed, so I ought to know about those. I've left some in the lurch and I've been left nothing in the will. How would it work, I wonder, if everyone I ever communicated with via blogs or because of blogs came back all at once from the Dead (wherever they went)? Try to imagine yourself at a party where everyone there already knows all the worst shit about you! You could relax, I guess, since you'd neither be able to offend anyone very greatly nor have a chance in the world of getting laid! Oh Lord, let's grunt, groan, and go home naked with the Energizer Bunny! (For all you out there in Europe and Australia, think Duracell Bunny!)

Friday, March 20, 2009

Not Paying Attention

I assume it's true that I abuse people
When I'm not paying attention to them,
Though I do it too sometimes when
I'm as attentive as a truck-stop waitress!
What my excuse for it may be then, I can only guess.
What's yours?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

More Famous Than Thou!

H. L. Mencken:
"A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know."

Monday, March 16, 2009


Eric Hoffer:
"Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power."

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Charles Goodnight

I woke up this morning--you probably think I'm about to say "with an erection", but actually--with the half-remembered name of some cute young girl I used to know, way back in my twenties in Austin, Texas. She seemed like a very nice girl at the time, but you know young men--I was easily impressed in general at the time! I regret to say that almost the only thing I recall about her, other than her appearance being attractive, was that some ancestor of hers (her grandfather?) had been Charles Goodnight, onr of the founding figures of all kinds of things in Texas, from cattle ranching to cattle drives to inventing the chuck wagon (or a special sidesaddle for a new young wife later in his life). He was a cowboy, fought Indians, joined the Texas Rangers, and was the source of some of the details used in Larry McMurtry's saga, Lonesome Dove. A fictionalized version of him is trotted out in those books, but aside from being a character in the books, some of Lonesome Dove's details were taken from Goodnight's real life, such as Woodrow Call's hard trip carrying the body of Gus McCrae back to Texas, as promised. Goodnight did the same in real life to fulfill his promise to his deceased business partner. I was always a big fan of the Lonesome Dove books, so this was all of some interest to me and it was a surprise that I hadn't encountered the information earlier! But, anyway, to top it all off, I wonder what happened to that young girl I used to know? I used to use the Internet to track down friends, but none of those people were glad to hear from me, at least not for very long, so I think I'll leave Susan (?) alone. Hope she's still alive, though it wouldn't matter to me!

Friday, March 13, 2009

It's Baaack!

I used to have a Google Group for this blog, but I looked around one day recently and could only half-recall how or why or even when I'd gotten mad and killed it. I thought of the dozens of times I recommended a Google Group to others (on Blogger Help Group) and wondered why I'd not taken my own advice. Oh, well, I'm the kind of fellow who might get mad at a pencil for a minute and end up destroying all the writing instruments on the planet for all Eternity! Sometimes I just do weird shit, especially if it involves my temper.

Now I'm not mad at Google Groups any more, but I am mad at that miserable snot, the "Followers" gadget! So, to my 2 or 3 friends and my 3 or 4 admirers, I now recommend the Google Group. Sign up to receive emails of my posts (full or partial) or go there and get your own.

Instructions can be viewed at my other blog!

Monday, March 09, 2009

Exterminator's Nightmare Visions

I was always solitary, sedentary, inside and outside,
Whether physical or philosophical,
In good health or out,
And I expect I'll yet be stone cold still and unexcited
When I'm laid to rest in that quiet dismal cemetery out there
Amid the moldering monuments,
Whether of Greatness or Mediocrity,
Where it's doubtful I'll be happy
Cohabiting that gumbo soil
With all the goddamn bugs and fire ants!

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Out Of Control!

And In The Stew!

All you vampires go drain the blood out of a cow and leave me alone today, I'm tired and I'm busy, too--don't you wonder with what?! Possibly with erectile proficiency and sadistic professions of attraction to beautiful distant female relations, but that would be telling. I strive to protect you from all sorts of harm and damage around here, but some snowballs WILL have rocks inside of them on occasion--I can't control that!

[Jill, you're not my familial relation, but I always thought you were very beautiful (which didn't exactly make your true friendship hard to bear!). But never forget, when you see me here on the blog, that I am an actor on a stage!]

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Blogger's New Follower Gadget Sucks

One reason I have to despise the goddamn stupid Followers Gadget that Blogger has introduced is that I discovered it reveals information about me that I thought was clearly "hidden". They give everyone a chance to pick and choose which of our blogs will be shown or hidden when others view our Profile. I would get moralistic and ask how Blogger could be so immoral, but I know it's not that--it's Blogger's USUAL GODDAMN INCOMPETENCE! This isn't the first time that I've discovered some of my "private" or "test" blogs set to "show" on my Profile List when I previously marked them NOT to show, so it's just something that big blundering Blogger does all the damn time, it's nothing new. Your Followers Gadget, like everything else in Blogger, is attached to land mines and hand grenades, no matter how small. I think I may start naming all those test blogs with offensive titles like "Blogger Eats Donkey Turds" and other insults.

How come they have all that success, all that money, and yet Google/Blogger remains forever JUST PLAIN SHIT STUPID about their various new features?! Some of those features are just spectacular feces!

Oh, well, I only have one follower over here, so there's not much disappointment if I junk the Follower gadget. Even at MFBQ, there's only 7 followers. I'll have to be inconsistent and maybe post this text over there or else those seven will never know why I think that damn gadget is a heap of crap. I expect to turn the Followers gadget off very soon.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Speaking To A Newbie About Blogger Support

Don't take it seriously. I took that tone (in Blogger Help Group) because so many who have done it in the past (written multiple copies of a single post, filling every category) turned out to be monsters of ego who always felt personally slighted by the lack of help. There are still some, I imagine. Others, like me, have grown weary of the Newbies who have great outrage at Blogger's lack of support. I've watched Blogger be outrageous and blog owners be furious (about being left dangling) for over five years and both are tiring. Maybe I should go be a farmer. If you're sorry about anything, you would sound like a human, not a monster of Ego, and that's a good thing. Sorry I can't give you pertinent info this time; not everything about Blogger is known to all. If it were, you'd know it already!

If there were any way to write the book that I can't write, I could unquestionably fill a book with all the Blogger topics that I don't know much about!

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

No Title, Either!

I almost never care very much about the photos I use or even if I use them. In my case, they're just random decoration. Even if they're pertinent, they're seldom significant! I guess that's one reason I've never investigated making a slide show of them; since the photos are not related to anything but madness, the show would be pretty boring. I guess I could go get new photos--there's always somebody who's loony for cats or cars or naked women or pictures of dogshit.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Doing Better Yet?

At exactly what moment
Should I have said,
"I will do BETTER
Despite how bad things are?"
Can I get that moment back?
I have my doubts;
Everyone is afraid of going back.
It's a great bold self-deluding conceit
That we'd do anything very different
Or that anything would turn out different enough to matter!
Even if we suddenly had more balls,
It's doubtful we'd have a bit more sense!
Like a homing pigeon, we'd go home and strut
Without having the least idea what Home really is...

Sunday, March 01, 2009

The Lesbian's Cute, What Can I Say?!

I don't care if Rachel Maddow is a self-proclaimed lesbian, I'd like to snuggle with her in the back seat of a car on a very cold night. We could keep our clothes on. Unless one of us had very bad breath or couldn't stop farting, I think it'd be very pleasant--I could tell her how much I like her and she could just smile and smile!

Nobody cares much what I do these days and Rachel could truthfully tell her girlfriend that she never laid eyes on my penis or my tongue, okay? OKAY?!

Sheesh, sometimes even one's fantasy life is fraught with difficulty, you know?

Janis Joplin's Fancy Cars

Wikipedia remarks, "The last recordings Joplin completed were "Mercedes Benz" and a birthday greeting for John Lennon ("Happy Trails", composed by Dale Evans) on October 1, 1970. Lennon, whose birthday was October 9, later told Dick Cavett that her taped greeting arrived at his home after her death.[citation needed] On Saturday, October 3, Joplin visited the Sunset Sound Studios[6] in Los Angeles to listen to the instrumental track for Nick Gravenites' song "Buried Alive In The Blues" prior to recording the vocal track, scheduled for the next day.[12] When she failed to show up at the studio by Sunday afternoon, producer Paul Rothchild became concerned. Full Tilt Boogie's road manager, John Cooke, drove to the Landmark Motor Hotel (since renamed the Highland Gardens Hotel) where Joplin had been a guest since August 24.[19] He saw Joplin's psychedelically painted Porsche still in the parking lot. Upon entering her room, he found her dead on the floor. The official cause of death was an overdose of heroin, possibly combined with the effects of alcohol."

Are these things (cars, Lennon's birthday) that I never knew or just don't recall? Seems sad, but not as sad as Joplin being dead so young.