Sunday, July 30, 2006

Just Poking, Honey

I was just poking around when I saw this photo on some blog that is several times more serious than I am. My first thought was doesn't Condoleeza ever buss Bush like that, step back the appropriate distance, and then say (just to tease him) "Oh, sir, you make my nipples tingle so!"

It's not that I believe Bush and Rice ever get it on, it's just that I can't believe they never think about it. What about you; you think they're thinking about it? Just once or twice a day? All I know is none of my coworkers (no matter how attracted to them I was) were ever in the habit of kissing me! Maybe all the Washington politicians become this phony with each other? Could be.

But I think they're still thinking about fucking! I can't help it, I'm just nasty. If you don't like it, what you doing on the Internet? If you're not careful, somebody of your own sex may leap out of the monitor and give YOU a big kiss! Maybe make you puke! So watch out if you're sensitive. I hear there's a Barney home site around here somewhere.

Keep laughing, Cricket, or I'll jump outta the screen for you!

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Hard On Me

Somebody came into the room
And gripped me with a suede fade
And then my arms and face fell off.
For such an elegant lady, it was a tough move.

So how should I proceed? Just fairly,
And wait for things to get on
Or paint a few throbbing butterfly pictures
Of where the lovely milkmaid leaves her stuff?

1st draft: 07/29/06
©2006 Ronald C. Southern

Friday, July 28, 2006

Not Every Rat Has His Day

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Bed Rest

There is no steam left anywhere in my vicinity or any evil in the immediate neighborhood that might kick my ass into gear. Guess I'll have to go to bed early. At any rate, leave the computer early! 10:10 is early for me. I got so desolate that I deleted one of the radio stations on Pandora Internet Radio! Eye doctor appointment tomorrow, but it's not early like most. I don't even need the rest.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


"Fortune can, for her pleasure, fools advance,
And toss them on the wheels of Chance."


Wilson Mizner: "A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions."

Monday, July 24, 2006

Norton & Symantec--Just Plain Thieves

"Do you want to Run or Save", the question is asked. Hell, I just want to get by and not have to learn very much more jargon as I live out the rest of my unlucky little life, that's all!

Everything is more trouble than it's worth, despite being computerized. Those motherfuckers at Norton Anti-virus or Symantec are happy to sucker me into making a payment for two years, but their system does not "Activate" when it's supposed to! They've already taken my fucking money and there seems to be no way, as usual, to contact a person. Sounds like Blogger, doesn't it? They have evidently stolen my money.

They sent an email to take a survey about how much I liked it, but I didn't take it, I asked them were they going to steal my money? No, they didn't respond, they're too busy wiping their faces with the tolet paper. Hard to see anything clearly when you do that, isn't it, boys?

Sunday, July 23, 2006


James Thurber: "All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why."

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Other People's Characters

Margaret Halsey: "Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters."

No Pussy-Footin' Around Here!

In the old days, people of my generation didn’t pay much attention to the torch singers like Julie London or Peggy Lee. I surely didn’t until decades later in life. I liked both of them, but I never shared that affection with many people at the time. I guess it was too unhip or something. They were sort of sex objects at the time. It was a time of sex objects. Male singers or musical groups would paste photos of beautiful women on their album covers who were just models, not members of the band. Why exactly we’d be expected to buy saxophone or trumpet masters according to the beautiful tits or hips or lips of some anonymous model, I didn’t know then or now. But the album covers of Julie London or Peggy Lee didn’t have to be fake or falsified; these great-looking women WERE the artists AND the sex objects. My generation just missed out on some things by being such snobs or by making such quick decisions about someone’s worth. Now that I’m old enough to not give a shit what anyone thinks of my musical tastes, it’s easy to like these beautiful singers with the sexy images! I even like Doris Day, it turns out, as long as she just sings and doesn’t come stumbling and prat-falling at me out of one of those awful movies she made with Rock Hudson.

I’ve been listening to a lot of old singers on Internet Radio lately and it’s almost all good. I’m sorry I wasn’t appreciative sooner, but everybody’s got a right to be a fool in his own lifetime, I guess. All things considered (meaning, my rock and roll obsession, etc.), I’m lucky I even knew to like Barbra Streisand! (Thanks for that one, Jeanne!) Even classical music sneaked in there somewhere, but not as much as I like it these days! These days, I like lots of softer, less hip music. Old people can’t be trusted, it turns out. And I’m one of them. (But Lawrence Welk can still keep his pussy-footing crap to himself! I’m not that changed.)

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Obscenities and Cursings!

Sometimes it makes me sick the extent to which I have to watch my language on the Internet. No one with power over me or my words has actually arisen and banned them or purged me. I just mean the people in the world I imagine reading my words. Do I care for this one or that one enough to not say s—t or d—k or p—y or just whatever crazy goddamn scummy words may occur to me? It has occurred to me that I do know a number of people who don’t cuss much, yet are amused often with my obscenely cantankerous villlifications of people and things in the world! How do you get so nice, I’ve often wondered? My father was an auto mechanic, so there’s no guessing where I learned the art of cursing inanimate objects and people who bring you the wrong repair parts. It might have taken a few years for it all to sink in, but (believe me) it did sink in! Not just from my Dad, but also from the really rough and disgusting mechanics! I once met a college girl who introduced me to the word “dogfuck” as an expletive. But, up until then, the mechanics were the kings of the cursing field. I would give you some examples, but just imagine you’re back in the worst place you’ve ever been and recall the words you heard. When your face turns red, don’t blame me. I wasn’t there. It's just in your head.

Common Elements

Harlan Ellison: "The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity."

Monday, July 17, 2006

Little Miss Muffet

The sweet young ingenue, the perfect wife, the pretty doll, the wise-cracking anything! June Allyson, dammit, is dead. I could name a few politicians that I'd trade six of at a time for her! But she died the other day, anyway. Life gives none of us much of a chance to get out of here alive. If there's a heaven, though, I'm sure she went, but that may not help me. Droll words of wisdom from the bottom of the barrel.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Sick People

Everybody get depresseed at some point. Some are really sick and have more excuse than others. I wish it were not so. I check on blogs I've been to previously and find I've let far too much time go by. Some people are worse, as one might expect. Some people I don't check on any more because I can't take the beating. Others I do check on, but wish I hadn't. It makes me feel guiity. I think, what could I possibly do to help? My travails seem so small in comparison; I hope no one's very depressed about me. Sometimes I am, but I don't count.

Thursday, July 13, 2006


Groucho Marx: "Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy."

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Naked Is Funny

What's so funny about this? I can't even remember that it's a brand new day! There's only 3 hours of it left. Quick, quick, think of something funny! I think of a lady friend and me naked in bed together, in a quiet light blue room. We're waiting calmly. I have no erection. We're waiting for something to happen. Even if nothing does, it was fun to have the dream. She's pretty good, I'm pretty wicked. So, maybe all that prettiness is funny? Jeez, I want to come here again!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006


Oscar Wilde: "A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies."

Monday, July 10, 2006

Blogger Book

For those interested in a book on the Blogger Experience, here's new one that I know nothing about: Blogger Book Take your chances.


by Kasey Chambers

Don't wanna read the paper
I don't like bad news
Last night a man got shot
Outside the house of blues
I'd like to ignore it
I'd like to just pretend
That the reason for it
Is something I can comprehend

I don't listen to the radio
Last time it made me cry
Two boys went crazy
Fifteen kids died
And I don't know their families
I don't ask 'em how they're going
They're on the other side of the world
But it's way too close to home

I've got something to say
And I thought it might be worth a
If you're not pissed off at the world
Then you're just not paying attention
And you can turn off the TV
And go about your day
But just 'cos you don't see it
It don't mean its gone away hey

We don't talk to our neighbours
They've got funny coloured skin
We see 'em out on the sidewalk
But we don't invite 'em in
We only eat when we're hungry
And we throw the rest away
While babies in Cambodia
Are starving everyday

We risk our lives
We hit our wives
We act like everything is funny
We hide our pain
While we go insane
We sell our souls for money
We curse our mums
We build our bombs
We make our children cry
We watch the band
While Vietnam
Just watch their children die

Fine lyrics from a touching song.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

More Absurdity

Samuel Johnson: "Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble."


Thomas Mann: "No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself."


T. S. Eliot: "Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers."

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Yabba Dabba

Hello, Satan
sung to the tune of "Hello Walls)

Some devil in the corner of my eye asked this perplexing question of me the other day: What are 10 things that you’ve given up or left behind now that you’re where you are?

My answers:

1. Smoking
2. Eating sugar (much)
3. Drinking Cokes and other carbonated drinks
4. Size 42 pants.
5. All my clothing older than 8 months.
6. The love of a good woman (there’s too many bad ones).
7. Reading books that aren’t Large Print.
8. Going on long car rides.
9. Thinking that the Internet would constitute erotic or pornographic communications. (Just in the back of my mind.)
10. A spanking from a mild woman drinking strong beer while she also… Well, we’ll see.

That makes 10 and I’m now through with that devilish suggestion! Some of these things weren’t true. But I can’t tell you or it’d be telling the devil!

11. Forgot the important ones: my best dog Grey, my father, my friend David, all dead now.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Better Than Some

(Pot To The Rescue)

The other day someone mentioned that their brother smoked marijuana sometimes, and I realized I hadn’t thought of that in a long time. Not in any serious way at all. I don’t know why I never thought of it as a cure for my lack of appetite! For God’s sake, it used to be a mighty primary cause of Munchies and other food attacks!

I don’t know, though. I’m more afraid of the illegality these days than I ever was in the past. I have no concern at all about it being “dope”. I take prescription “dope” all the fucking time. I don’t really want to feel dopey but if it pot would have an effect on my appetite, that would be more than ever happened for me when I took the appetite pill a few months ago. It never did jackshit. I quit taking it to save the money. I used to smoke tiny amounts of pot by myself (in a hash pipe) at night and listen to music through the earphones. Before long, I had to get up and raid the refrigerator! Ah, those were some of the good old days! Stoned, and sitting around in my underwear eating cold God-knows-what out of the fridge with no one to make me feel embarrassed! With Cheetoes and Coca-Cola thrown in! Not the best life, but better than some!

Anyway, this got my mind to meandering and recalling things. I remember that visit to Stuart’s one evening getting stoned on his good pot, drinking his beer, having a pleasant visit with him and his sweet pretty girlfriend. Everything was cool until she went out of the room and he informed me he had stuff to do! I was hustled from his apartment with a full beer in my hand before I knew what was going on! By the time I got to my car, I knew what he was doing and it probably involved sex with that beautiful young woman. I would have been happy to leave, except I was so stoned. I wondered if I could drive, though.

I had the beer, but couldn’t drink it down fast and get rid of it for some reason. Maybe I’d already had too many. In any case, it was still in my lap when the policeman came up behind me and saw me make a left turn without giving a signal. He turned on his lights and siren. Mortified, terrified, I moved to the side of the road and stopped. I balanced the beer as far out of sight as it’d go while trying to not be conspicuous about my motions. A lot of good that’d do me if the police came up to investigate my car with a flashlight.

I got out of the car and went back to speak to the policeman. First thing was, he knew about the beer already. I guess I’d taken a sip in plain sight. I went into one of my best apologetic modes (in my twenties I could do it well!), all the time worrying about how stoned I was. I was so stoned that I was afraid the lid of grass in my jacket pocket was going to leap out and fall at the cop’s feet! Oh, did I forget to mention that I was carrying? It seemed to me that I was a Sure Bust waiting to happen! After speaking for a minute or two in My Best Apologetic Mode, the cop, never getting out of his car, waved me away. He said he could tell I wasn’t drunk, so he’d let me off with a warning. Verbal warning!

No, not drunk at all, just stoned out of my mind!

That’s when I discovered how unapparent one’s stoned behavior could be to straight people. I wasn’t Acting stoned, I just Was stoned. Go figure! I was grateful, exceedingly grateful to God. Thank you, God, for protecting my ass and my dope! After I stopped shaking, it was funny and I told the story a number of times in the years after. It was a good one.

But, being older now and no wiser, I wouldn’t have any pleasure in that kind of fright any more! Being stoned would be fun, but not being that afraid!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Ugly Me

Christ, when will I ever again write a "regular" post, I wonder? Some people think I've been reduced to titty pictures and curley-fry famous quotes and ugly photos of my haircuts and hats and suchnot! Where are the real posts?! Hell if I know!

Lately I've been writing for my new blog, Most Frequent Blogger Questions (MFBQ). You can find the link in the sidebar's Blogger Help Links. Anyway, MFBQ is a derivative of my work in Blogger Help Group, something fed by the questions from the Help Group. Later my answers feed back into it because each daily or weekly new generation tends to ask some of the same questions. It's a cycle. In MFBQ, I now have answers ready. I can either copy and paste from the relevant post section or else just give it's Permalink in a reply to the questions! Nice. Easier for me by far, sometimes more informative for the questioner, I hope! Doesn't matter too much if it's easier for the questioner; he's too desparate to notice such minor things, anyway!

I don't know about this; my best posts are really more self-sufficient than this. This one depends on you knowing about Blogger Help Group and my own Most Freqent Blogger Questions. Test on Tuesday! Oops, this IS Tuesday. Better luck next time.

Happy whup-ass day


Andre Gide: "Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does the better."

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Buy On Price

John Ruskin: "There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man's lawful prey."