Friday, April 02, 2004

Tired Of The Local Situation

Watching the local TV news—no matter where you are—is always so weird. It’s often more like you're attending a pep rally of some kind than watching the news. Big grinning toothy faces that contort and strain to let you know you're livin' in the Best town in the Best state in the Best country on earth and that, generally speaking, nobody except the Best people like you can be trusted to even act human and you should remember that The Folks at Channel Bumpity-Bumpkin Are Just Like You!

Faces that strain to let you know that nothin' could be better, nothin' could be more finger-lickin' good than listening to them tout some semi-famous country-twanging numbskull. The fellow used to live here, though now even he’s had the sense to leave, and now he’s passing through town, Our Town, the Bestest Town! And, lord, you'd be luckier than if you met God almighty if you got a chance to meet ole Buck Tooth or ole Country Bill Crankcase or ole Travis Trumdiddle ‘cause he’s Real People! (What, you mean he’s NOT as phony as he looks?) And the tickets to the show are only $49.95 or thereabouts at that boondoggle of a Civic Center that was just built. You know, the one the county commissioners built with your money and can’t piss away enough money on and can’t control the expenditures of the inept management company that’s running it for them and can’t begin to make a profit on—yet it’s the Best Dang Thing that ever happened to us! You know, THAT civic center.

It makes me feel warm all over. Well, maybe just warm-footed—warm like I just stepped barefooted in a pile of manure. You know, I think I’m going to give up on even keeping track of these toothy TV reporters and singers and politicians who are doing us such big favors. I’d rather talk to my dog. I’d rather talk to YOUR dog! It’s not just cheaper, it’s better entertainment.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it. -- Shaw, George Bernard

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Abandon hope, all ye who enter here! (At least put on your socks and pants.)