Forest Tent Caterpillars Invade The South

Just in passing, let me mention that the goddamn annual forest tent caterpillar invasion has taken place. They are at large in my neighborhood NOW. They chew and nibble, but largely don’t destroy that much. The problem is, there’s millions of them and they fall out of the trees onto your shoulders, your hat, your hair, the back of your neck, down your shirt—it’s a complete horror. Unless you want to be hosed off before going in the house, you’ll find a few on you even hours later when you’ve forgotten all about them. They won’t hurt you whatsoever, but it’s creepy to have them turn up on you long after you’d ceased to think about them. They’re about as attractive as they’re going to get, too, for though they have a couple of nice rows of blue spots along their sides and a row of whitish footprint shapes on their backs that give them some semblance of beauty, they grow into fairly ordinary plain brown moths.

I’m not going to spray them, though I know a good deal about pesticides. There were years that I did spray them, but it only made a marginal difference. And, since eventually their season will pass, I don’t like the idea of My birds eating those poisoned worms. The birds make no impact that I can see on the large population, but I do sometimes see them eat the dreadful little wigglies. I wish I could think that the birds appreciate my concern for them, but they don’t appreciate or think about anything; that’s why we call stupid people bird-brained. Even when I was a kid, I knew how to insult my older sister—I called her birdbrain!

I know it could all be worse; they could bore into my $4 hats and eat them. They could enter my ear canal to slitherize and smatterize my brain. Instead they just fall like rain drops all day and make gooey spots on the sidewalks and patio where humans cannot help but tread on them. It would be too much work to walk around them even if I wanted to, and I’ve lost that sense of kindness. Every year before these guys, I’m always thinking that the powdery pine tree pollen that coats all the cars with yellow is something awful, but then the yellow lessens and we get this. Life is put into perspective. Yellow is Mellow, I’m thinking now--bring it back! Bug splatter and creepy crawlies in my beard and on my eyeglasses, that’s what’s the matter now!

I’ve decided I’m not going outside anymore, not even for the mail, not until this invasion is over. If the phone doesn’t fail me, I’ll order $5 pizzas and drink lots of water till the world is changed for the better. Call me when it’s over, I’ve got plenty of duct tape and I’m sealing the doors.

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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "The best way to know life is to love many things." -- Vincent Van Gogh

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