Kill Kill Kill!

Those cable company workmen this morning were lying sacks of shit. They haven’t repaired or replaced my dropline and in fact had already climbed the same pole to repair the dropline that goes to another house! If there’s anything to explain, they didn’t do it. So I interpret it all as a lie to me, right to my face. Time Warner is a corporate turd, that’s my opinion, and I’m sticking to it. I’m sorry I believed them. I hope they die in hell and with feathers on!

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Still Getting Over Rita (The Bitch)

Spoke briefly to some Time Warner workmen hanging out around the poles in the neighborhood, asked if they'd get the drop lines back up today, and they gruntingly seemed to indicate they would. It's more sign of getting our cable back than has been seen in this neighborhood for a long time, so maybe we will! Sonofabitch, broadcast TV sucks so bad that it's just inexpressible!!!

Also spoke to relatives whose houses were more damaged than I knew. Makes me feel crummy to complain about mere cable. But we each complain about what we've got. If we don't have much real trouble, we complain about that.

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Stupid Buncha Fucking Clocks And Watches!

I bet the big shots who make these decisions to continue all this willy-nilly time of the time crap haven't reset their own clocks or watches in 20 years. If any president, Bush or Clinton or anybody, knew how many motherfucking clocks there are in a modern household, they'd quit this shit!!! Not only does one have to change them, but follow a different procedure to change each one. And who likes to read instruction manuals?! Nobody!

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G. K. Chesterton--Fence

G. K. Chesterton
"Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up."

Have Safe Sex With Me: Helter Skelter Lyrics

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
Till I get to the bottom and I see you again.

Do you, don't you want me to love you
I'm coming down fast but I'm miles above you
Tell me tell me tell me come on tell me the answer
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

Helter skelter helter skelter
Helter skelter.

Will you, won't you want me to make you
I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you
Tell me tell me tell me the answer
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

Look out helter skelter helter skelter
Helter skelter

Look out, cause here she comes.

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
And I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
And I get to the bottom and I see you again

Well do you, don't you want me to make you
I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you
Tell me tell me tell me the answer
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

Look out helter skelter helter skelter
Helter skelter
Look out helter skelter
She's coming down fast
Yes she is
Yes she is.

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"I'm getting weirder and weirder; but I guess that's just one man's opinion." -- rcs.

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James M. Barrie

James M. Barrie
"Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else."

I don't know about you, but I'd rather be anything. Well, maybe you've been fucking Kelly Preston last week and have Alica Silverstone lined up for the weekend. It's vaguely possible. Ask Larry Jones, he knows the babes. Of course, I have a lot of fans who are "babes", but they're not here to fuck or refuse to fuck me, so no luck there. Nice girls, though. Onward through the fog. Damn fog.

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Okay, So I'm A Mad Dog

God fucking shitass damn! I don't care. That's my mood and I'm sticking to it. Everybody nice has probably already left. I can't see well and I can't see why I should be pleasant about it.

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Fixing To Die

Seems like all I think about is my blood sugar and my tree trash these days. Well, guilty as charged, I can’t help it. I’m not living any Hollywood life here lately. I don't even have cable TV! I'm living in the dark ages.

All this elaborate procedure for taking my blood sugar is wearing on me. I wash my face. I put 3 different drops in my eyes. I turn on all the overhead lights. I set a 2-bulb lamp on the table near me. Now can I see?!

But I am becoming more and more prepared. The glucose meter comes in its own soft case, capable of carrying the device, a few alcohol swabs, several lancets for puncturing the finger and getting blood drops, but not much else. I’ve taken now to carrying everything in a larger bag I used to use for shaving gear, etc. when travelling. It’s big enough to hold the magnifying glass, the empty used water bottle in which I dispose of the lancets and test strips. I don’t like to let those disposable items get out of my control for even one second since my sister’s grandbaby visits here and you know how curious babies are. The “guards” on the lancets look like little pills or candy and the lancets themselves are not plelasant things to encounter by accident, but probably look like toys to a baby boy. The “dop kit” bag also carries one spare “drum” of test strips so that I can reload without going to another room for supplies. Also a washcloth in case I need to fold it up to support the meter at the correct angle for making contact between the blood drop and the test strip. I am getting to where I am as prepared and well-supplied with paraphernalia as any junkie fixing to die ever was! It may not be fun, but boy am I prepared for it! I have all kinds of drops to clear my eyes for better vision during the “test”. Unfortunately, iit’s a tossup whether I see clearly or not; sometimes it works the first time and sometimes I miss the mark. If I screw up, that means I get to re-stab myself a time or two, maybe waste an expensive test strip. I’m too nervous for this shit, but it’s not an option at present.

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Note For Friend & Poet Jeanne Emmons

Love You

I got your book Baseball Nights and DDT and flipped through it,
Thinking how many poems I’d seen before, were even familiar,
Thinking how familiar you are to me and how good that is
And so I did not even have to read too much or too hard
But just glanced through them, caressing the familiar,
Making appreciative noises at the sounds that sounded right,
Thinking how lucky I was with my bad eyes
Not to have to read all or every one right away
But could just hold the bold blue book cover to my heart
And sigh a few sighs of affection and be blindly loving for now
And not be as judgmental as I always am with my all-seeing
But just rest here in the combination of moments,
Aware of you, precious you, who could write from so many views,
So many far-flung moments, all true, so true,
My Darling Girl, always working to see more clearly.
Me, too, from this side of cataracts and tears.


rcs.

When you are sometimes a bad person, it’s good to have old friends so good that you can’t throw them away, they won’t let you! Such a friend for me is the poet Jeanne Emmons, who has recently published her second book of poetry. I haven’t read them all, but some poems are already known to me, and most are very good ones! I recommend them to you, those of you who are as silly that way (about poetry) as I used to be about the girl who became this woman. Click here to read her publisher’s web page about it.

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Tree Trash Forever

There’s a world of tree trash left even now, especially in the long ditch by the side of the house. This is where it was all shoved and then contractors for the county (or FEMA) came along and removed the big pieces and the big wads with large equipment. But some of it remains. Will I never see the end of it?

Or, for that matter, still suffering from cataracts, will I see the end of it when it comes? I’m sick of all this. I’ve said that before. I don’t know a new way to say it. Tomorrow I see another eye doctor, so maybe I’ll learn something on that score. I’m falling behind on my blogs, both writing mine and reading others. Some of you I miss. Myself I'm sick of, of course. Until another day.

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Suggested By A Reader--What Do You Think?

I go on and on
with the cleanup of tree trash,
the leaves, pine straw, limbs, and branches.
The long ditch is full of them
making a wheelbarrow load every foot or two
that I move forward.
I’ve raked some, and where it’s heavy,
I use the pitchfork to get it.


This pitchfork is actually too short,
but I’m near enough to the end
of my task not to go buy a longer one now.
But I should have done it.
My physical fatigue may not be
all that much worse, but
my mental fatigue certainly is.
I’m tire of all this shit.


I’m not alone in living
without cable or in being
a witless idiot because of that
deprivation, but I'm ashamed too
because some people are still
without electricity after hurricane Rita!
Americans are wonderful creatures;
we whine because the gold plating
came off our faucets and other such silliness.
If I had cable I'd be more aware
there's been a major earth quake
somewhere in Pakistan-India and that
tens of thousands are dead and that
many more are suffering more
than I can dream about. God
forgive the Americans who suffer
without their bloody damn cable TV!

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Cable And All That Crap

I go on and on with the cleanup of tree trash, the leaves, pine straw, oak and pine limbs and branches. The long ditch beside the house is full of them, making a wheelbarrow load ever foot or two that I move forward. I’ve raked some, and where it’s heavy, I use the pitchfork to get it. This pitchfork is actually too short, but I’m near enough to the end of the task not to go buy a longer one now. But I should have done it. My physical fatigue may not be all that much worse, but my mental fatigue certainly is. I’m tired of all this shit. I’m not alone in living without cable or in being a witless idiot because of that deprivation, but I’m ashamed too because some people are still without electricity after hurricane Rita! Americans are wonderful creatures; we whine because the gold plating came off our faucets and other such silliness. If I had cable I’d be more aware there’s been a major earth quake somewhere in Pakistan-Indian and that tens of thousands are dead and that many more are suffering more than I can dream about. God forgive the Americans for their suffering without their bloody damn cable TV!

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Used To Be A Man

OH GET OUT!

I used to be a man, the handsome lady said,
But now I mostly got no tool except what I can grab.
I walk around in high heel shoes and teeter
While the boys check out how I protrude
(Provocatively, of course, in bikini bra and panties
And never show a sign of masculinity.)

I used to be a man full-dressed, but now
I keep what hair is left beneath my pretty wig
And keep my shape more steadfastly than my virtue or my word
And struggle not with conscience but just to keep
My flaccid prong pressed flat inside my skin-tight pants
And sell it so none of my boys can tell it!

Here, what's the matter, don't you like
My brand-new basketball breasts?
Real girls buy them, too, and at the same place—
But maybe you don't like that, either. Pervert!

And, yes, I do my best
Down on my knees in dreams
To peel whatever soft banana comes my way
That soon gets hard and creams.
So I make a little money as I go and I make my way.

These things, they make me want to just
Jack off like crazy in public, sometimes,
Then I remember I'm a lady and I can't—
But, hell, this guy I'm with could care less,
He just stands and touts—

He flouts the world’s opinion and flaunts
That delicious dangling organ of distress
Right in my pretty face
And reels it out at great and greater length
Till I take a taste of that trout!

"Here, bitch!" he pouts (they like to pretend)
While I rub my lips up and down that trophy knob
And vibrate my tongue on the underside, slurping
Like his favorite slut that oh-so-tender chicken-skin!

Then he grins as big as any rooster rogue in town
While I close my lips around it
And teethe on it hard till it spouts!
These men are so disgusting!

rcs.

3rd draft: 02/24/03
©2001 Ronald C. Southern

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Evil Pirate

It’s always been hard for me to wake up in the morning.

Now one of my first tasks or duties is to take my blood sugar reading in the morning before I eat breakfast. This involves using a needle or “lancet” to prick my finger (any finger) and produce a drop of blood for the test strip in my glucose meter to read. There's a convenient device for this, but not an effortless one. If I don’t get a big enough drop of blood or if I’m so clumsy that I don’t apply the drop to the test strip correctly, I’ll have to do some or all the procedure all over again. It’s no fun to prick your fingers 2 or 3 times the same morning. One has to be a little coordinated, which I am not, not that early. It’s also no fun to waste test strips, for they’re nearly a dollar each.

I was clumsy to start with, but these days my vision is unclear too due to cataracts and so on. So I am a major fuckup in the mornings and only a little less so in the evening when I take it. I guess I need to get up an hour or two earlier than I do so that I can piss away a lot of time on waking up before breakfast. It’s strange how difficult it is to break an old habit or start a new one. But I’ll have to do something because I cuss like an evil pirate and am not even in favor of Jesus Christ Almighty on Earth when the blood sugar testing process goes awry.

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More Drivel Poetry

Dirty Hat Dave

There’s a worm in my brain that listens to reason,
But it can’t always be found.
There’s a pistol in my grip that isn’t always sound,
But I’m a sharp shooter when I can shoot at all..
Damn, I’m fucked up.

Get along, little doggie, and sing me a tune,
I’m tall in the saddle and short in the fall,
I’m black as my heartbeat and firm as that worm
And clean as that white hat you all think I have on.

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Guesses About Tesses

When I was a kid I lived on a block
With two spotted dogs named Tess
And across the street from them was a
Skinny black lady with a nose ring also named Tess,
And I called them all The Tesses.

I tried to work out sentences
Where lumping them together
Made weird sense
As if I was humping them until I turned blue,
Though it was insensible and ultimately hard to do.

What are Tesses, someone asked me
In a later life. Termites in dresses?
Makes sense to me,
Though I’m shit-faced, sullen, and demented!

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Yum

Oh I wish I had a chocolate woman
For the next holiday
'Cause if I did I know which part
I would eat first.
Just like with a chocolate rabbit or chocolate Santa
I'd eat the head first.

---

Random Notes

I forgot to mention I’m down to 169 lbs. now. That’s about 9 more unintended lost lbs. That’s not too skinny, but any more would be so, I think. I think I need to start eating 6 meals a day or something, if I can. What’s fattening that’s not full of sugar? Diabetes is such fun.

The tree limbs are mostly trimmed now, for $800. Yipes. Still, it was a good price for all the work. I think there may be a couple that were missed, but the work crew is gone now. I’ll figure it out. It almost looks back to normal, but all the dragging limbs around with their tractor scraped a great deal of grass away, so there’ll be but small lawn for a while. Tree limbs are now all in the ditch, so hopefully the county will send trucks to pick it up soon. That’s what they said to do with it, and I have seen some get picked up that way. If the rains come first though, there may be flooding, one would think.

There’s shit to be straightened out. One garbage can was semi-crushed by falling limbs and won’t straighten out. Need to throw it away. How do you throw away a garbage can? Some trash that’s not mine needs to go; junk that blew here during Rita, like some Igloo brand water coolers and so forth. No one’s come looking for them, and the containers don’t have lids, so it’s garbage to me. I don’t think I'll have anything missing, since I put lawn chairs and other small items in the garage and locked them up before we evacuated. Some heavy stuff, like lawn swings, got their canvas parts shredded and may have to be disposed of. I don’t think that far ahead. Garbage trucks are just now starting to run on time; it ran yesterday and took the last of the spoiled food away. Yay, Jesus! I’ve still never looked closely at the climbing toys and sand box for my sister’s grandkids, so they may or may not be all right.

The freezer’s finally gone. The guys I gave it to came and got it without a word. Good enough. The end of a bad epoch.

I’ve been raking up pine straw and twigs and limbs out of the sand and am bushed. It didn’t take long to tire me out. Half an hour, at most. I tried burning some, but they don’t burn fast enough. I’ll see if more can be squeezed into the ditches.

---

Woody

I went to the doctor today and I'll be changing all my medicines. Some to be cheaper, some to see if I'll be less fatigued. Maybe I'll be less crazy (said Woody Woodpecker).

Ha ha ha ha ha!

---

Dishwater

Apparently I'm dull as dishwater lately. I can't do a thing about it, that's how I feel. So bite me. Or I'll bite you. I ain't particular.

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Red Cross Idjits In Southeast Texas

Does anyone know any good stories about the Red Cross? All I know are shitty ones! In my county, their computer doesn't know my zip code was in the diaster area and so turns needy people down. Where's all the crap about "local volunteers", don't they know where the hell they live and can't they tell the others?! Red Cross is the very definition of stupid bastards, if you ask me!

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Piggle (From The School of Chirpy Songs)

Piggle, paggle, puggle, puck,
Who’s the one I like to tuck in bed?

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Rita’s Wrath (Shit, Florida, I’m Sorry)

I’m still sitting around with a lot undone. Limbs and leaves in huge piles in the back yard. Puttering at it, but mainly waiting for help to arrive. Getting by with a pint sized refrigerator while waiting to see if the real one ever airs out or has to be replaced. The insurance agent is not to be found, not now.

When I evacuated I went from the Beaumont area to West Monroe, Louisiana. My mother and I went to stay with her younger sister. It’s usually about a five-hour trip. The first half-hour of the trip took four and a half hours. The total took nine and a half hours. I’d never seen so many Texans be so well behaved in traffic. Just about everybody seemed convinced that this northward road was the path to salvation and there was almost none of the usual cutting across the grassy median and heading back the other way in a fit of impatience. Ambulances on the shoulder—two, three, five, even seven at a time—kept passing the double lanes of stop and start traffic; at first, I thought they were going to massive car wrecks up ahead, then I realized they were carrying away the people from rest homes, etc. As a whole people, we were bloody well LEAVING! Only the termites and the hardheads stayed, and they were endangered. A monster was coming.

Well, it did come. If you watched the news, you saw it, after a fashion. Still, if you weren’t here or if you didn’t come home to this frightful mess, you didn’t quite see it. It’s something different in reality than it is on the TV screen. In fact, when you get home to it, you may not even be able to see the TV screen. Though CNN, etc. have all ceased to act as if Southeast Texas even exists (Not enough deaths, I guess), some of us can’t even see the TV screens. I have a house, the same old televisions, and some day it will come back, but for now there’s no cable, no news channels. Umpteen tree limbs in the back yard knocked the cable to the ground and now hold it there. Other things are more important. So I can’t see the non-coverage by CNN of the Texas news. I can’t sit here and condemn the dirty rotten bastards for ignoring homes destroyed, whole yards destroyed, hundreds of thousands of structures damaged, hundreds of thousands of people left without power. Is this, I wonder, how I’ve treated Florida all these past bunch of hurricanes? It was no skin off my nose. Shit, Florida, I’m sorry; this is hell.

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Another Goddamn Poem

Another Visit With God

I wish to the lord I could get to sleep,
I wish to Jesus I could see straight,
I wish to God he’d let me rest in peace,

But he’s off somewhere watching babies die,
Executing convicts, wiping out platoons,
Letting old folks die or just pushing them down,

Shoving the school bus off the edge of the cliff
Or the poor and disabled into the flood,
Pitting Jew against Jew, white fool against white,

Letting cops beat niggers to death in the dark—
Even nigger cops—now what’s that about, you complain?
That’s God’s way, and he don’t have to explain.

rcs.
1st draft: 9/19/05

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Apologies to everyone. I can't get caught up.

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I'm Sick To Death

I'm back, barely. No power at my house, so I'm still living out of a suitcase and still can't see the computer screen clearly. Beaumont and environment is beat up and knocked down in the dirt. I could barely wade a path across the back yard, there's so many tree limbs down. It's hell to look at when you're weak as dishwater. i wish I'd stayed away. sOME OF MY FRIENds and relations took damage, but I don't know yet how much. I Hope it's moderate. Even people whose houses are still standing are in torture now. More later

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It's Alive

I'm alive in north Louisiana and waiting for power in my house before returning home. I've got cataracts and poor vision with which to see unfamiliar computer screens. So I'm screwed about communication. Thanks for your support. I will be back eventually. I've heard the damage is limit4ed, but there is a lot of food that hasn't been cleaned out of the fridge and the freezer. Throw them away, I guess. Don't breathe too deeply.

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