Monday, June 27, 2005

Tom Cruise Is Out Of Control

I don’t want to get in a battle about Tom Cruise being “great” or not so great, but I’m starting to believe he is in a publicity frenzy lately that has left his brain addled. It had already been suggested that he was putting on a jackrabbit show with his fiancée to get attention for his movie career, but that’s his job, isn’t it? But lately he’s giving other actors medicinal and psychological advice and telling them that they don’t know squat while he does. I agree, squat is what he does know.

And nobody better give any offence to Oprah, his new best sofa buddy, like the French department store Hermes just did. Oh, lord, the Wrath Of Cruise will come down upon them! He’s already given them warning! As if the richest woman in the world (besides Queen Elizabeth) needs the protection of Cruise!

I’m tempted to refer to him as a noodle-headed boy and suggest gently that he put a sock in it, but Jesus Christ that Dick Clark clone is 42 years old now and ought not to have to be babied! He ought not to need to be told to stay out of other people’s business. If he can’t resist giving advice to strangers, he could give it more privately, couldn’t he? Just because he’s the famous Tom Cruise (whose known talents, as far as some of us are concerned, consist of standing around looking cute or handsome in motion pictures) doesn’t mean he must live every aspect of his Hollywood life or private opinions out on the public stage, does it? According to his interview with Matt Lauer, Tom is more intelligent than anyone and checks out the facts, unlike others, and apparently doesn’t suffer fools gladly. Boy, that Tom Cruise is a rocket scientist and I wanna vote for him for President! No evidence is necessary; after all, he's the Cruise!

I can therefore be sure he won’t respect Brooke Shields for noting that he should mind his own business or my opinion that he's a prissy twit, either, so there need be no further argument about it, does there? We’ll all just shut up about it, Tom, and let you rave about your favorite bullshit. But if the talking heads and loons on TV keep inviting you back and letting you do it with their blessing, if NO ONE has any common sense or self-restraint, I’ll be expecting to see live coverage of you wiping your ass, with close-ups and instructions on how to do it without injuring the Star. TV reporters would lick it clean for you if it would bring them higher ratings! Trouble is, so would you, Tom, oh holier-than-thou Scientologist movie star! (We don’t mind you being a Scientologist, but being holier-than-thou does not wear well.)
"If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives." — Marlon Brando

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