Teri Garr Talks About Kissing Behinds

Why Would She Talk About That?

I remember a long time ago (maybe ten years) that I saw the actress Teri Garr on a late-night talk show, saying that if they use nuclear weapons in the next war, we can all just kiss our behinds goodbye! Original thinking. Someone should point out to the people who are fond of that cliché that it is an unaccomplishable feat for most of us.

"Probably the best we could manage would be to kiss one another's behinds goodbye," the talk show host should have said.

The Moon Shines

"I'm ready," the modern breed of actress would probably giggle, then stand on the host's desk facing the camera, bend forward and flip her skirt.

Teri Garr appeared nude a time or two in her acting career, but she's older now and probably tamer. I'm not sure if she'd volunteer for ass-kissing duty any more. Maybe, or maybe not. But if it was, as she postulated, the end of life as we know it, maybe it wouldn't have to be exotic Johnny Depp's pink posterior to make the notion, er, ah, palatable to her! Not even handsome Brad Pitt! Maybe anybody would do. After all, this was her idea as I remember it. But that was a while ago.

Oh How Lovely Women Are!

Now be sure to take note that I have not said anything the least bit defamatory about Ms. Garr. I've always liked her. She did used to be slimmer, but she still looks okay. I'm an older guy, I can take it. I'd jump on her bones myself given opportunity—maybe kiss her behind as requested—if she didn't object too vociferously. That's not defamatory, it's just haphazardly lustful. Just me being an old roué. I'd take her, I swear, if she were wrapped in pink cellophane or silk, dressed in lightweight leather or lace, scented faintly with peppermint, vanilla, or sandalwood... Ah, ah, ahhh! Oh, dear Jesus, hold me down, I'm having one of those flail-on-the-floor fuck-me fits! Don't worry, though—Teri Garr is safe. I wouldn't hurt Teri for the world. It's me who's in danger. I'm hanging by a spaghetti string.

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