Thursday, November 18, 2004

Mother Nature's Deal

Death To Death And Decay!

My cousin JW keeps intimating that I've gone too far with the descriptions of death and decay in my recent pest control stories, even claiming that I nearly made him sick with the most recent one about decomposed kitty cats. Hey, that's Mother Nature's deal, not mine! Decay works like sharks, vultures, ants, and dung beetles—a part of God's cleaning and disposal system. Oh, and of course there's these measly little afterthoughts of humanity's impatience with the process—the garbage men, animal control officers, plumbers, and pest control operators.

Soothe Thy Own Stomach

I believe my cousin is ribbing me, though, for he has been a hunter now and then all through his life and is bound to be far more familiar with the blood and guts of nature than I am from ten years or less as an exterminator. His stomach ought to be strong enough. At any rate, I doubt there's anything wrong with his stomach that Pepto-Bismol couldn't cure. But, maybe there is and he'll just have to stop reading my posts marked "pest control"!

He was asking me if my readers were complaining bitterly yet about the rot I've been writing lately. There really haven't been any complaints or many remarks, though I can read between the lines and I suppose they're just holding their breath, waiting for me to get it out of my system and change the subject.

Will The Squeaky Wheel Get Smacked?

I believe I've told most of the outstanding decay and corruption stories that I know. I may know some more, but I don't know any that are more so. Therefore you need not expect that I will continue to pile one story on top of another until you faint. I will restrain myself. Still, there will be more pest control stories, I think, as I manage to remember and organize them into paragraphs. At the least, there are still roaches and termites and ants that make life interesting and for me to pontificate about sometime in the future. Maybe even some stories about bats, bees, and wasps. So, if you hate these ideas, you may have to write me and say so. Complain! I'm not sure if it'll do you any good, but they say it's the squeaky wheel that gets the oil. Or is it the squeaky wheel that gets smacked with a hammer? Hard for me to keep track of the terminology these days.

Whatever Happened To Those Killer Bees?

Say, whatever happened to those killer bees, anyway? You know, the Africanized bees that were expected to destroy at least the southern part of North America. Since I ceased doing professional pest control, I've lost track of them entirely! Maybe they got de-Africanized. I wonder if that's like getting de-buzzified? You think it sobers them up or affects their sex drive? Hell if I know.

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Abandon hope, all ye who enter here! (At least put on your socks and pants.)