Pornographic Wizard

"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!"
Somebody better write me or entertain me; otherwise, I'll write a pornographic story with you as the star. You'll be famous for doing things with donkeys--how's that strike you? I of course will be the dignified bearded fat man doing god-knows-what behind the curtain. In fact, I'm doing it now, and you can't stop me!!!