Just when I was brave enough to go back in the water, this had to happen. The outdoor plumbing problem with the busted underground hose for the well water was finished and all but tidied up. It just remains to put the dirt back in the hole.
NOW I have problems with the outdoor supply of city water! During the well hose problems, I put a water hose on a spigot that had not been in use for a long time. I hunted up a handle for that shut-off valve and either it was the wrong kind or I made a wrong installation. Instead of just not working at all, it allowed me to turn the water on and then wouldn't ever turn off again. This was irrelevant, of course, for quite a few weeks, until the hose began to leak. But here my hose was Tuesday night, leaking more and more and more. I was stumbling around in the flowerbed, tripping over my own feet and unable to muster enough muscle to shut it off. I fooled with it until I was ready to burst a blood vessel and in my now-famous Fabulous Incompetence made it worse, worse, worse! Dammit, Satan, let me go!
I waited for daylight and better luck, but only daylight arrived. I couldn't shut off the water hose. I couldn't shut off the city water to the house, which would in turn have shut off the hose leaking out those dollars of water every hour. I couldn't shut off the water meter. In the end the problem was solved by the water department (who shut the water off) and a licensed plumber who changed out the spigot or "hose bib" or whatever it's called an hour later. Another job labeled "Repaired By Others, Not Me". I could just eat tarantulas and nine-penny nails! If only I were decisive enough to know which one to start with. The tarantulas would be softer to chew, but more dangerous. Plumbing, need I say, is not my milieu. If my fantasies get any worse than this, next thing you know I'll imagine that I can wrestle alligators or raise the dead. Er, ah, listen, praise Jesus and hope for the best, True Believers, but don't depend on me! I'm a world-famous prize-winning screw-up and somebody should take my tools away from me before I do some real harm.
All Along The Watchtower
by Bob Dylan
"There must be some way out of here," said the joker to the thief,
"There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief.
Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth,
None of them along the line know what any of it is worth."
"No reason to get excited," the thief, he kindly spoke,
"There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.
But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate,
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late."
All along the watchtower, princes kept the view
While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too.
Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl,
Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl
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Abandon hope, all ye who enter here! (At least put on your socks and pants.)