Goodnight, Ladies

“I’m in the mood for Love…”

Or, more frankly, I wanna have sex with most of the beautiful and intelligent Blogger girls. They know who they are. Some put their pictures on the Web for all to see. Some use real names. Others keep a low profile by signing on as “Turnip Gal” and show only a picture of a stalactite growing slowly. They're full of piss. They're full of vinegar. I’ve gotten to where I can’t distinguish between who’s smart and who’s just cagey—what’s the difference, anyway?

They talk to me as time goes by—sometimes in the public forum, sometimes on email. Sometimes I wish I could dish them up with a large silver spoon just right for their ass and slip them into bed beside me. I like bouncy bottoms, no matter what you say. Big bosoms don’t hurt, either, I guess; women were made to be curvy, though I’ve finally learned to like the slim girls, too! When I was young I never thought much about Jackie Kennedy looking fine, but now I can pitch in and regret that she’s dead! Another fine piece of womankind gone! That’s the only thing I really have in common with President Kennedy—he liked the thin ones and the buxom ones, too. I guess that was one interesting meeting in heaven. “Uh, Mrs. Onassis, Meet Marilyn Monroe…say, wasn’t Jack here a moment ago?”

But I was talking about lust and possibly love, wasn’t I? In general, women who aren’t attracted to me as much as I am to them tend to believe I’m in lust, not love. They may be right, though I’d hate to think so. From the time I was an older child, I was in love with women. I remember a girl in sixth grade named Bonnie Wucker. Where the hell is she now, I wonder? She was dark-haired, handsome, nice as far as I knew. But she never knew I thought so. I was too shy. It’s useless to remember her, though it makes me feel a little bit like that sweet young boy again to remember! Like someone who wants to love her, not fuck her!

Of course, I wouldn’t have known what that was at the time. It helped simplify the world’s affairs a lot, you know, when you didn’t know yet what your penis was for!

These days, love and lust are much the same. If I sincerely mean one, I’m apt to mean both. To whom? To me. That’s all there is, really. I’ve given up on convincing You or Them! If you’re one of my blatantly delicious Blogger women, so be it. I’m in love with you and at least halfway to lust. Those who are upset by it should mail me bad photos of themselves, email me with curses, leave dung at my doorstep, kick me in the shin! I would take the hint, eventually.

Meanwhile, I stick out my tongue and make a slurping noise every time you look the other way. No, I’m not Hannibal the cannibal! Blech! That sounds awful. If I wanted to eat you, you’d still be all there when it was over! Yeah, and quivering all over! Ahh! What’s it hurt, after all? Your boyfriend, your husband? Your children, who won’t allow you the status of being human for fear they’d have to be nicer? Too bad. I’m as alive as diabetes and misery allows these days, and I’d love to make you wiggle! If it’s not feasible, it’s okay. I live in imagination, but I’m as practical as the next fellow when need be. Sorta. Though I’d like to hold something against you, Blogger Ladies, I won’t hold this against you without any warning. I wouldn’t want to startle the birds.

---

Safety

James Thurber: "There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else."

---

Secret Message

Secret message of R. C. Twitchell to Jeremiah Houston: "Let's go bird-watching before we go crazy!"

---

Blogger Help Group—How Stupid Are You?

One of the Google Groups is “Blogger Help Group” where novices and other bloggers needing help write down their questions about Blogger templates and so forth. Others, more experienced or more opinionated, try to answer them. It’s entertaining to see how much I know and don’t know. I leave answers sometimes, but more often have nothing to say! Some of those questions are things I never even thought of knowing, much less wanted to know! Still other topics provoke me to look up the answers and then answer questions as if I’d always known it! You never know how ignorant you are until you get around people with a lot of questions! I’m pretty impressed with my own stupidity so far. But I don’t intend to feel bad about it! Either it’ll keep being fun or I won’t do it.

---

Dirty Sex

George Burns: "I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."

---

Troubled Vision?

Here's a site to peruse if you need your vision restored and you're a hamster! (Damn hamsters have all the luck!)

GO HERE!

---

Conscious Task

I found a note yesterday dated January of this year in which I was still complaining a lot about my poor sight. I realize now my vision has improved a good deal since that time due to the medication put behind my retina by the eye specialist!

This sort of thing sneaks up on you. Slowly, I’ve become braver and started driving myself around again the last couple of weeks, something I haven’t done since before Hurricane Rita! Also, I have begun reading library books, even if they are now the “Large Print” books. Birds may still be difficult to see when they whiz past me, but if they’ll light somewhere, I can spot them again and get the binoculars aimed! I found I could see the tiny date of the month on the pocket watch I bought in September, then realized that I’d have to set it again! I set it once when I bought it, but had to use a magnifier for that. This time, once the light was right, I could set it without any magnifier! The watch is easier and easier to read. TV no longer looks as grey or uncontrasted as some channels used to look, so that’s better. I can read the computer screen more easily, too, of course.

My retina specialist agreed it was all better. Though he only treated the left eye, the right eye too seems to have come along for the ride insofar as it, too, is improving a bit, he said! The bit of medicine is still in there (and working); sometimes I can see it swimming around in there, though mostly I’ve sublimated it. Beyond all this, of course, I still have cataracts that aren’t too bad right now but that will someday have to be dealt with. They can wait a while.

If you see me driving, though, just move cautiously out of my path. I may see better, but I’m still a wreck, trying to remember all the constant driving precautions that I got unused to during 6 months of not driving! It wasn't just my eyes that got lazy, but my habits as well! It used to be like Autopilot to drive my car; now it’s a very conscious task!

---

Regimen

As part of my regimen to keep my blood (blog?) sugar down and at the same time increase my calories due to being so thin, I started drinking a couple of cans of healthy Glucerna every day. It's not as thick as a milk shake, but has that approximate sort of taste and appearance. I don't mind the taste, it isn't bad. It comes in vanilla, strawberry, and other flavors that I haven't tried yet. It is supposed to contain 220 calories per can. Others may drink it instead of having a meal, but I drink them in addition to my meals. All this is fine and has been understood since the first day I brought them home a couple of weeks ago. It took until just today for me to have that autonomic response that men seem to have to small metal cans when I tried to squeeze the 8 ounce container--you know, crush it in one hand. But no dice. It's not pliable like soft drink cans; instead it's as firm as "tin cans" used to be when they were tin. You can't prove your muscles on a can of green beans, I've noticed, and the same is true of my new drink! And only Popeye could do that other cute trick with cans of spinach!

There you have it; more than you'll ever need to know about Glucerna! Carry on.

---

Who Dis Guy?

Robert X. Cringely: "If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside."

---

Someone Else

Alan Woods: "Blame someone else and get on with your life."

---