Legal Drugs and Dopey Ron

I wonder if there’s really more to worry about these days or if I’m starting to miss the Zoloft?

Days later: I don’t tell much these days, but perhaps today I will. Went to the doctor today and discussed several things. First, convinced myself and him that I shouldn’t be off all antidepressants, so now I’m on Prozac. I was becoming rather rabid and unable to relax or sleep at night. Too nervous to tolerate. Maybe I’ll get better now. The generic is not as expensive as I would have thought. Hope I’m not allergic! Hope I stop being a rattlesnake. Had blood taken again for more blood work at the doctor’s. They are still searching for why I fatigue so easily and keep losing weight. They also gave me a package that tests my stool for presence of blood; you can imagine how much fun that is going to be. I’ll leave out those details. It may not be a problem; they say they just like to rule that out early. If they don’t rule it out, I guess I may faint. I may be more of a sissy than they know.

I got some more horribly expensive eye drop medicine from the eye doctor (God bless those free sample ones!). I’ll have enough (5 ml.) to take until I go back to the doctor next week and get examined again. I’m glad I was being careful with the drops, but I sure didn’t know it was $15 per ml. Crap, that’s worse than some of the hundred-dollar shots I’ve had! Or pills that were $100 per week or month for a supply! If George Bush would just give away diabetic drugs for free or cheap, I’d let him kill all the Arabs he wanted, but there’s no such deal in effect. George isn’t even passing out any cheap gasoline, so I don’t suppose he means to make anybody happy! Well, with Prozac, maybe I’ll get happy and not care who else may die. I'd turn in all the rest of you to the thought police not to find out I have colon cancer.

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'The Magus' Author John Fowles Dead At 79

I used to think The Magus author John Fowles was about the hippest human being on the planet. Looking back on it much later, after I was decades older, I still liked the book,but realized it was because I had been a young man reading a young man's book about a young man's take on the world. Reading along, I thought I was like the magus and was above the fray. I think I've been much more like the victim in the novel. I was and have remained that young man, being manipulated every which way. Watching machinations and illusions. Wish it was better. I am still a fool, I guess, and shouldn't even be much ashamed of it. But there it is. What can I do?

Sorry to hear your're dead, John, hope you had friends and all who will miss you.

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Shut Up

Just cut your throat and shut up,
Said the voices from the void.
We have no further comments.
What did you expect?

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Ratzoid Stupido Down The Drain

I haven’t used the Ratzoid blog since before I found out I had diabetes, before Wilma, Rita, and Katrina, and so forth. It’s been so many months I can’t remember my username or my password. I doubt I told anyone what they were. I don’t so far recall that I wrote them down. Maybe they’re lost forever. Do I look like a man who gives a shit? I didn’t think so. It's a pissant problem to be resolved at a later date. Meanwhile, onward through the fog.

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A Chance To Find Jill

I know Jill’s sister, Teri, but I lost track of any address for her when she moved a couple of months ago from California to Colorado. I finally realized that when Jill sent me wedding pictures of Teri’s daughter, there might have been useful info there. Sure enough, there was another email address on it, I don’t know who, but I’ve written them on the assumption they’re a family friend unknown to me. Maybe that unknown party knows what’s what or can put me in touch with Teri again! It may be my only chance, except to wait and wait.

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Friend Jill

I have a long-time friend (30 years) who was in Florida before Wilma and was threatening to stay in Ft. Lauderdale because she and her boyfriend did not think it was going to amount to much. They are boaters. I haven't heard from her since. I realize it may not be easy to get to email. I hope she's just lazy or just something like that, but I'm worried. I even tried looking up various combinations of her name and other terms to see if she was in the news as a casualty. No, apparently not. I guess that was good news. I'm still worried. She's one of the best people in the world. I don't want to have to miss her forever.

Know what I mean?

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What I Say All Day Long

"God Damn It" and all possible variations. No exceptions. Some exemptions for age (youth), but that's all. Damn the rest!I'm vitriolic, spiteful, and hateful. The same, the same, you say? Feels different every day to me, though. I'm a ratbastard; thought that was understood from the start.

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More Bleakness

The Future Is Bleak

Cut off my whiskers
And send me to hell,
I need a new roofer
and a new BJC ink cartridge
And my head examined!

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Poetry of Guesses

Curdlemudgeon

A curmudgeon is someone who has removed
So much of what he considers "sappy" from his system
That he loses track of what first irritated him about people
And just "goes bad" himself.

Maybe we should be called "curdlemudgeons".
The dictionaries I've checked don't seem to know
The origin or etymology of the word,
So my “milk gone bad” guess is as good as any.

That’s my guess
And in a bad year
I can’t improve on that at all.

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Kill Me

Somebody ought to just kill me with a hammer. Guess I should, take care of it at the source. La ti dah. It's hard to ramble on. I'm talking to myself. I'm going downhill.

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