Childproof Caps

How I Hate Those Sons Of Bitches

I suppose that somewhere it has all already been said about caps on medicine bottles. Those awful “childproof” caps that in fact, for sick people, are burglar-proof. I can’t get in, either, when I’m sick! I only recently managed to remember to get mine changed over to—well, whatever you call them—maybe “irresponsible” caps! I find it a great deal easier to keep my medicines safely away from children than to keep my medicines securely locked up from me! I wonder what generation of irresponsible adults started all this fanfare? Are there homes still where adults can’t figure out where to hide things from short, weak, and relatively unimaginative children? I understand that kids are tenacious, but so far I’ve never known one to get even close to my medicines, much less get into them and eat the nasty things as if they were candy!

Okay, being a parent may be more difficult than I know, since I’m not one. But children do come around here. I always know the location of my medicines and my sharp lancets (for taking blood sugar readings) and the little “guards” from the end of the lancets that probably look like little candy pills to a baby! I don’t forget to keep track, dammit! Do you?

Hell if I know what people do or why. I think mainly they overdo all these “safety” procedures so that you won’t be able to sue the corporation that they work for due to your own inane misuse of the product. Meanwhile, I'm a little bit blind and a lot uncoordinated, and already taking Prozac for shitty nerves and stuff, and I don't need this hateful business from childproof caps!

---