What’s the use of all these split screens such as one sees so much of lately on CNN? It might have been a little acceptable when they only split the screen in two, but now Wolf Blitzer splits the screen into six parts and then stands in front of all of them because he’s so goddamn important and gorgeous that we have to see him! Wolf and his producers seem to think that all of us are watching their split screens on TV’s the size of their video viewers on the news set or that all of us have the eyes of an eagle. That’s not true! Many still watch small TV’s. Many people watching TV news networks are in their forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, and eighties. The only people who see like an eagle are thirty and under and most of them don’t even watch television news yet! So, what elder hipsters who never suffer eye strain do they think they’re appealing to? “None” is the correct answer, but Wolf’s too stupid to know it!
Mickey Mantle
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself."
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Abandon hope, all ye who enter here! (At least put on your socks and pants.)